* Like many toddlers, Daniel is full of energy and loves to express it by running around wildly. In the process, he often shouts out this magnificent word: "PAPOMINGA!" When we first introduced him to video games earlier this winter (mainly N64 games), he couldn't understand what Mario was saying when he fell out of paintings or spun out in his go-kart. Nowadays I've heard him actually say "mama mia!" a couple times when it happens in the game, but his enthusiastic word for taking corners or pretending to triumphantly crash into things in real life remains papominga. I hope he never grows out of it. I'm adding it to my own vocabulary.
* Noah opens his mouth super wide when he smiles. It is the greatest thing. He's three months old now, already. Cooing and adorable. Time for the first batch of really exciting stuff: rolling, sitting, grasping, crawling. Daniel is looking forward to sharing stuff with him, and he's getting good at pushing the umbrella stroller in a gentle, straight line down the sidewalk--at least inasmuch as the sidewalks themselves are gentle and straight. Oh, Monmouth. Anyway, such a sweet big brother. (Having two kids is infinitely better than just one. I can't wait to see my entire family all together. I want them all here right now so I can start knowing them. I was baby-hungry the minute Noah was born, but I guess this time is for getting to know and appreciate him, deeply and individually, while he's the baby.)
* I'm super tired but I'm enthusiastic about the lovely weather lately.
* I bought a white gel pen yesterday and my life is 987398684756 times better. I'm drawing this amazing amazing kind of medieval sampler thingy, and it's almost done.
* Heraldry: still acting on me like a tasty drug.
* My oldest brother is coming up from California next weekend. YESSS I am so stoked to be with all of my brothers! But not all my siblings, sigh. One more year till Jenny-time. We better send her a picture.
* I've had a series of connected epiphanies over the past several months. I guess I should preserve that in my private paper journal in more detail, but that one barely even knows Noah exists, poor thing. The epiphanies, in rough outline, were that I am super attached to divine justice (toward myself), even moreso than divine mercy; that I used to think I was good at forgiving, but actually I'm obviously horrible at it, all things considered, and that's been making my life stupid for ages; and finally that Daniel, luckily, is really really good at forgiving, and therefore things between him and me are probably going to be okay even if I suck sometimes. He loves me. I am trying to learn from him.
* Also about Daniel, I failed to write a poem last week about a moment where I went from reading a lot of articles about violence and horror to going to wake him up from his nap, and ended up just kneeling by his bedside, becoming late for our appointment, kissing his sleeping fist that smelled like sticky oranges and still had dimples in the knuckles and hadn't yet learned to hurt. I am so grateful to be his mom. Send me more sons. They won't be perfect, but there are a few important things they'll know.
* I am learning to be more appreciative of the people in my life. They don't just not-exist, even if they're not the precise à la carte friend selection I would have made in my "Lucy seeks Ethel" desperation. And they're awesome. It occurred to me that maybe I'm Ethel; maybe instead of waiting for someone to come over to my house and make it less boring, I have to pay attention to what's actually happening. Also, maybe this TV show doesn't completely revolve around me. Still kind of following this rabbit hole. Making connections is not really my strength right now. It might not have to be.
* I should go to bed. I need to be getting more sleep. But I should put together that Easter basket first.
* (Apparently it's possible to become reconciled to something while simultaneously being in constant mourning for it. Apparently you don't grieve less, you just do other things more. It's not what I expected or wanted, but I guess it works.)
* Seriously, it will be the first Easter Daniel actually knows about and participates in! That's exciting. Be excited, Rachel. Zzzzzzz I will after I sleep.
I feel very weird because it's spring. Which is a statement that kind of demands explanation but my brain is too tired to elucidate and obfuscate it simultaneously, which is what I'd have to do.
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